Learning To Be Whole

therapy

  • Avoidance

    I’m supposed to be paying bills. But there isn’t enough money. So, I am doing this thing that I do.  Some like to call it procrastination, but I’ve started to use terms that are more honest wherever possible, so this thing is called “avoidance”. When the thing cannot be done comfortably, efficiently, without stress, or

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  • I See Stupid People

    There’s this M. Night Shyamalan movie that has an monologue that a friend and I once transformed a bit.  We took the word “dead” and inserted “stupid”. I see stupid people.  They’re all around me.  They don’t know they’re stupid. Today I have been dealing with the frustration of not being able to express my

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  • I Should Be Packing Right Now

    The journey to this moment has been long and hard and chaotic and sometimes frightening.  So, now that I am here, I am paralyzed. This is certainly not the first time that I have fought my way through all sorts of trauma to find myself safe on the other side and stuck.  Just stuck.  It

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  • This Is About That

    The other night, I was watching the latest episode of How to Get Away with Murder.  And I won’t let loose any spoilers, because only asshats let loose spoilers from the best and most intense cliff-hanging shows.  (I’m looking at you, people on the train loudly discussing plots and outcomes that we financially challenged people

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  • Documented

    Documents and documenting are serious themes in the past few weeks to months.  It is interesting to me the ways that we are forced or encouraged or inspired to document, and all the different reasons that are used to justify or explain that documentation. I recently had to make a trip to my local office

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  • When The Pain is All That Is

    When I was younger I used to write late at night often.  I was a single mother, trying to raise a child and finish college and figure out life all at once.  The late nights and the early mornings were the times I could write without taking time away from my little girl.  Early mornings

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  • Don’t Struggle, Just Stab

    There are several ways of being in the world, I suppose.  We all choose in every moment how we will interact with the world around us. This morning, I emptied a container of one of the two chemical-laden delicacies I allow myself–flavored non-dairy creamer (the other is processed cheese…because it melts so beautifully and reminds

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  • Costume

    I remember loving dressing up.  I remember loving Halloween. My parents were strictly religious, for most of my childhood, but they still, for one reason or another, fully accepted Halloween and the annual costuming and treading through the cold for candy when I was quite young.  There is a photograph somewhere of me and my

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  • Shifting. Choosing. Being Safe.

    Today my therapist asked me questions. Deliberate questions. The kind of questions that make you know that she is thinking about things—piecing things together and circling back toward topics that we may have touched on but that I haven’t connected in significant ways yet. I suppose this shift from me babbling about whatever comes to

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