fibromyalgia

  • Avoidance

    I’m supposed to be paying bills. But there isn’t enough money. So, I am doing this thing that I do.  Some like to call it procrastination, but I’ve started to use terms that are more honest wherever possible, so this thing is called “avoidance”. When the thing cannot be done comfortably, efficiently, without stress, or

    Read more →

  • The journey to this moment has been long and hard and chaotic and sometimes frightening.  So, now that I am here, I am paralyzed. This is certainly not the first time that I have fought my way through all sorts of trauma to find myself safe on the other side and stuck.  Just stuck.  It

    Read more →

  • Done

    In therapy on Monday, I said to my therapist, “I’m done!  I’m done.” And that was immediately followed by the expression, “I don’t even know what that means, because I am not going to kill myself, so I don’t know what I am done with, per se, or what I am quitting, exactly.” I’m relatively

    Read more →

  • Documented

    Documents and documenting are serious themes in the past few weeks to months.  It is interesting to me the ways that we are forced or encouraged or inspired to document, and all the different reasons that are used to justify or explain that documentation. I recently had to make a trip to my local office

    Read more →

  • Cancelled

    I am scheduled for a mammogram later today.  I’ve spent about the last 2 hours debating with myself about whether I do or do not wish to reschedule that appointment. I can make it. But I don’t want to worry about it. But I feel well enough. No, I don’t feel well. But I could

    Read more →

  • Edits

    It is a weird process that I am embarking upon this winter.  I have decided to purge. I am cleaning out closets, slowly but surely, and getting rid of things that are not used or that don’t fit.  I’m looking through my home and my life and my psyche and trying to let go of

    Read more →

  • Yesterday

    Yesterday I did a thing that hasn’t been done in years:  I forgot to put my medication in my bag when I left the house. Those who are close to me know that I take a ton of pills and I am taking them what seems like all the time.  I have five alarms set

    Read more →

  • Can’t

    I can’t write this week.  I’ve tried several times.  Two or three paragraphs in, it falls apart and the message I meant to speak becomes a ball of words with no real significance.  I’m too tangled up inside, I think, to be able to present something linear and coherent on the outside.  I’m a mess. 

    Read more →

  • Into the Wild

    I have this problem lately.   I mean, I always have one problem or another it seems, but this problem has become foremost in my mind.  I don’t know who I am or who to be. That is exactly how I expressed it to my therapist yesterday. I don’t know who I am or who to

    Read more →

  • The Dread Pirate Booty

    I’m a little frustrated by all the information out there in the world today concerning the evil of leggings/yoga pants/things that show the curve of a woman’s buttock.  I’m even more frustrated at the way that policing the bodies of women has become so commonplace that others would feel free to do such things as

    Read more →