Learning To Be Whole

  • Instinct

    My office is once again in (mostly) office form–instead of guest room form–so I decided I should use it this morning to do what I claim as my profession, and to write down some words.   The thing that has been most striking, and on my mind, in the past several hours remains the reactions

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  • Can’t Find a Better Man

    The half growl/half crow of Eddie Vedder has long been a part of my own, personal war cry.  It both fed and poured out my teenage angst—my frustration with the things that were senseless, wrong, and unjust in the world, and my desire to be free from all of the pain and confusion and devastation

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  • Payday

    I’m busy printing out proofs to attain a payday loan.  It is a long shot, last resort sort of move on my part.  There aren’t any options left beyond a ridiculous interest rate over 50% and steep penalties should I not meet the strict requirements of repayment of that criminal amount of interest.  It should

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  • Toxic 2.0

    I don’t know how to do relationships. Don’t get me wrong.  I know how to advise about relationships.  I’d make a great family therapist or marriage counselor.  I marry people—to one another, of course—in ceremonies, as the ordained minister with credentials recognized by the state.  Ask me about your relationship and I will give you

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  • And the Storm Rages On

    It isn’t easy for me to be vulnerable. I remember a friend from cohort saying to me once that I was very open by not very vulnerable, and I was upset by that statement, because I didn’t think it fair to separate the two out in that manner.  Being honest was, in my mind at

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  • Avoidance

    I’m supposed to be paying bills. But there isn’t enough money. So, I am doing this thing that I do.  Some like to call it procrastination, but I’ve started to use terms that are more honest wherever possible, so this thing is called “avoidance”. When the thing cannot be done comfortably, efficiently, without stress, or

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  • I See Stupid People

    There’s this M. Night Shyamalan movie that has an monologue that a friend and I once transformed a bit.  We took the word “dead” and inserted “stupid”. I see stupid people.  They’re all around me.  They don’t know they’re stupid. Today I have been dealing with the frustration of not being able to express my

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  • I Should Be Packing Right Now

    The journey to this moment has been long and hard and chaotic and sometimes frightening.  So, now that I am here, I am paralyzed. This is certainly not the first time that I have fought my way through all sorts of trauma to find myself safe on the other side and stuck.  Just stuck.  It

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  • When Comes the Night

    “There are low points. There are going to be low points. And if you can take me at the high points, then you also need to take me at the low points. That’s what I have to say.” My daughter uttered these words with passion and much arm movement a few moments ago. She was

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  • Done

    In therapy on Monday, I said to my therapist, “I’m done!  I’m done.” And that was immediately followed by the expression, “I don’t even know what that means, because I am not going to kill myself, so I don’t know what I am done with, per se, or what I am quitting, exactly.” I’m relatively

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