Overdrive

It is weird to want to do all the physically demanding things.  I can’t sit still.  I can’t write an article or finish edits on a piece, because I just need to be up and doing things.

My body will regret this so hard in a few days when the steroids are gone and the drive to do all the things leaves my brain.  But right now, I am getting all the shit done.  All of it.  I’ve cleaned more in the past two days than I have done in the last two years, I think.  I’m out of control.

My brain is in overdrive and I need to keep moving and keep doing.

I know that pain, swelling, and all sorts of suffering will be the result of all this productivity.  But I am taking full advantage of the moment.  I’m letting the steroids fling me into overdrive and get all the shit done.  Because I almost never get the chance at feeling like I have energy, and I always struggle to push through the tasks that need completing.

So, I am flying through the week, chewing on my lower lip, feeling all the drive and letting it force me into action.

My dad said, “But you need to rest.”

I replied, “I’ll rest at Amie’s.”

But that isn’t true.  I’ll crash before that. I won’t keep flying until Christmas.  I’ll crash as soon as the pills are out of my system and my “normal” state of being returns.  And my normal is fatigue and a struggle to accomplish even the simplest of tasks.

For a few days, I get to remember what it was like to have the energy of a regular human being.  And I could be mourning the loss of that feeling.  But, I think that just riding this wave and enjoying the thrill of completing tasks is a better approach.  I’ll break down soon enough, and then I can mourn the loss for a bit.

Today, I am embracing the overdrive.

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