It is weird to want to do all the physically demanding things. I can’t sit still. I can’t write an article or finish edits on a piece, because I just need to be up and doing things.
My body will regret this so hard in a few days when the steroids are gone and the drive to do all the things leaves my brain. But right now, I am getting all the shit done. All of it. I’ve cleaned more in the past two days than I have done in the last two years, I think. I’m out of control.
My brain is in overdrive and I need to keep moving and keep doing.
I know that pain, swelling, and all sorts of suffering will be the result of all this productivity. But I am taking full advantage of the moment. I’m letting the steroids fling me into overdrive and get all the shit done. Because I almost never get the chance at feeling like I have energy, and I always struggle to push through the tasks that need completing.
So, I am flying through the week, chewing on my lower lip, feeling all the drive and letting it force me into action.
My dad said, “But you need to rest.”
I replied, “I’ll rest at Amie’s.”
But that isn’t true. I’ll crash before that. I won’t keep flying until Christmas. I’ll crash as soon as the pills are out of my system and my “normal” state of being returns. And my normal is fatigue and a struggle to accomplish even the simplest of tasks.
For a few days, I get to remember what it was like to have the energy of a regular human being. And I could be mourning the loss of that feeling. But, I think that just riding this wave and enjoying the thrill of completing tasks is a better approach. I’ll break down soon enough, and then I can mourn the loss for a bit.
Today, I am embracing the overdrive.