Lovely

You don’t know how lovely you are…

A lyric from a song I love, and a reminder for every day.

I don’t know how lovely I am.  I’ve not been shown that often.  I’ve been shown all of the dark and terrible things over and over.  And the loveliness that did exist got shoved deep below shame and struggle.

Today I spent myself completely on showing up for a person I love.  And I didn’t need to.  She loves me and I love her, regardless of my attendance at her milestones and events.  But I wanted to, because she is lovely.  And beyond that, she is one of the few in my life who is constantly speaking to me and showing up for me in ways that help me know how lovely I am.  And I needed to give that back.

And then I needed painkillers and a long nap.

But it was worth spending myself in this way.

I think that it is difficult for many of us to spend ourselves on others, and to show up and speak in ways that present to others their best selves.  I’m not completely certain why that difficulty exists, but I am guessing it has something to do with broken trust and ended relationships and hurts and headaches and harm that have come from spending all and receiving nothing in return.  But one of us needs to spend in order for another to do so.

I need to love and trust in order to receive love and be considered trustworthy.

And that is a challenge for me, because of the broken trust and ended relationships and hurts and headaches and harm that have come to me from spending all and receiving nothing in return.  But I am starting to see that none of that history gets to dictate my relating from this point forward, and that the lovely things offered can be received or returned or rejected without my offering being less good or true or beautiful or helpful or kind.  It is the one who cannot receive and return who is struggling and suffering, not the one who offers love and trust.  I know it doesn’t always feel that way, but if you think on it for a moment you will recognize it is true.  Deep down you know that love begets love, and the people who can’t show it or accept it are the ones who are most broken.

So, I am going to encourage myself and all of you to spend yourself, show others how lovely they are, and embrace how lovely you are.  And don’t worry about the outcomes.  Just worry about offering the best and most to the world that you can offer.  See what happens.

Will your heart break?  Will someone mistreat you?  Maybe.  But maybe your heart will heal and be filled, and maybe someone will thank you and love you in return.

It is a chance worth taking.  And it will likely make the whole world more lovely.

 

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